Yes, it’s nearly Christmas and yes, the nights start about half an hour after lunch; the rain feels like it’s here to say; and grey is the predominate colour of our daytime skies; but despite all of this, ‘tis well and truly the season for cricket.

The Ashes are in full flow Down Under and as nobody could have failed to notice – England are doing dreadfully against a team of old (at least in sporting terms) Australians (only one of them is under 30). And the dreadful performances aren’t restricted to the gladiatorial arenas where England’s finest are being dismantled in a manner that makes a mauling by a lion seem more humane. You see, off the field, the ECB and its figureheads are having an absolute PR nightmare.

Let me quickly set the scene. The Ashes are the oldest and possibly most intense cricketing rivalry in the world – arising from an 1882 Test match at The Oval in London between England and Australia. Australia won on English soil for the first time and a mock obituary was published in The Sporting Times proclaiming the death of English cricket and that “the body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia.”

Later in the same year, England’s cricketers travelled to Australia with the stated intent of regaining the ashes. They won and were presented with a small urn, which apparently held the ashes of one bail. A legend was born and the tiny trophy has been battled over every couple of years ever since. Australia has the upper hand; a position that’s been cemented over the last forty or so years – with Cricket Australia rarely relinquishing their grip on the bragging rights.

And so, to 2025. The worst Australian cricket team in a generation. A swashbuckling English side playing Bazball – a brand of cricket that would terrify their timid opposition and lead to glory and MBEs all round.

The first Test Match in Perth

Oh, there was swashbuckling cricket. And my, oh my, the opposition were truly terrified. In fact, they were rolled over within two of the scheduled five days play. Sadly, for England, Bazball and the mortgaged to the hilt travelling Barmy Army, it was Australia who rolled England over.

Test Match two. The Gabba in Brisbane

A day night game with a pink ball under lights. Same result, albeit over a slightly longer period of time.

Well, I hear you cry – where’s the PR disaster? They only lost a cricket match or two. That happens to the best teams. Move on to the next game and stop your whinging.

The PR disaster though isn’t in the results. It’s in the manner of, and attitude in, defeat, which has seen the team’s reputation as a bunch of bumbling Bazballer’s firmly cemented.

It all started to go wrong with the cocksure, arrogant display of defiance in defeat after the Perth Pummelling. A shrug of the shoulders and a “that’s the way we play” said it all. Here was a team that really didn’t care that they’d lost; really didn’t care about the ruined hopes and dreams of the travelling supporters and the sleep deprived TV watchers and Test Match Special listeners at home. They definitely didn’t want to take advice from former professionals who’d been there, done that and, in some cases, actually won in Australia.

And as for captain Ben Stokes’ attitude in the post-match interviews. There seemed to be a level of seething aggression towards those who posted questions he didn’t like that seemed to leave the interviewers – Jonathan Agnew in particular – truly shaken.

The second test match in Brisbane saw the team capitulate in a similar fashion – batters throwing away their wickets, and bowlers seemingly not interested in executing plans that would give them a chance of getting Australian batters out. As for fielding – I coach junior at Skipton Cricket Club and I’d have been disturbed if my team of teenagers dropped so many easy chances in a match, let alone a team of England’s best professionals.

Come the post-match interviews, Captain Stokes chose to throw his team under the bus rather than threaten to throw interviewers under it – “there’s no place in my dressing room for weak men”. Meanwhile, Brendon “Baz” McCullum (the Baz of Bazball) placed the reason for this latest defeat down to the team training too much.

Now that the dust has settled, the bumbling Bazballers are having a hardly-earned holiday in Noosa on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast, while the rest of us scratch our heads and wonder, what the hell are they playing at?

So, what can be done to at least identify the outline of a phoenix to try and resurrect from the ashes of this Ashes PR disaster?

First up, why not start out with a meal consisting of a serving or two of humble pie?

• Admit that the tactics and mindset going into this series were wrong. Yes, the intention is still to play attacking, attractive cricket, but to do it with steely grit and determination.
• Accept that defence when batting is as much of a skill as smashing awe-inducing sixes back over the bowler’s head; and that smartly run singles keep the scoreboard ticking over as well as reverse swept fours.
• Say that the training over the next few days will focus on gameplay scenarios; ensuring that when the team step over the boundary in Adelaid on December 17^th that that they do so ready physically and mentally to play Test Match cricket against a side that will put them under pressure – and under which they can’t wilt again.
• Educate the squad that they are just three games away from sporting immortality – because let’s face it, winning this series from this position would be a sporting miracle, and nobody ever, ever forgets a sporting miracle. And definitely not those who were part of it.

And finally – this little thought. England cricket fans and the cricket reporting media don’t demand that England win. They simply demand that England try. This team have the skill to beat this Australian side. They undoubtedly have the players to do it. They probably won’t given they are two down with three to play, but what we want is for them to give us some hope.

And that hope doesn’t come through defiance and “that’s the way we play” nonsense. It comes from standing up, saying we got some things wrong, but we are going to fix them because we care as much, if not more, than you. And that Mr Stokes and your Bazballers is the PR fix for the hole you’ve dug yourselves into. It’s just a shame the cricketing chasm can’t be rectified quite so easily (although Johnny Bairstow would’ve been a pretty good addition to the squad!).

Daniel Kennedy – Director

Daniel is a director and major shareholder of Source Marketing. He’s been with the business since its first birthday in the early noughties and so features in all the Christmas party photos (with the exception of the only one that involved a plane, as he was off on paternity leave following the birth of his first son – and he’s not bitter).

He’s a traditional PR man through and through and still loves nothing better than twisting journalists’ arms to convince them that his team’s client stories are far more interesting than anything else received from any other agency.

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